Before my screenwriting career took off, I used to work the lunch shift in a French restaurant in Toronto.  Several times a week an elderly French gentlemen named”George” would come in for his Croque Monsieur.   George wore a cravat, walked with a cane, and always ate alone. Taking pity on him, I took extra care of George.  I’d make small talk, laugh at his jokes and smile in his direction when I hurried by with a plate for another table. I also encouraged him to eat the occasional salad. (I was afraid all that cheese, butter and ham was going to give him a massive coronary.)


Eventually, George got used to me. If there was another waitress during my shift,  he would make a point of sitting in my section.   On his 70th birthday I was especially attentive, even giving him a complimentary dessert.  On his way out, George shuffled up to me and gently tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned and smiled, ready to accept his heartfelt thanks for another perfect lunch. He leaned closer and muttered softly, “You have a beautiful… derriere.”


Derierre?!!! I was mortified. All that time I was thinking we had a sweet grandfather/grandaughter relationship, and all this time he was thinking I had a beautiful derriere!!  I was too shocked to think of a reply. Stunned, I watched him hobble out the front door as though nothing had happened.


My point is, men have always had a thing for waitresses and also misconstruing the waitress/customer relationship. Remember the film Adaptation, and Charlie’s fantasy about the diner waitress? Just because she inquires about the book he’s reading, he assumes it’s okay to ask her out for a date.  That day, George assumed it was okay to tell me what he thought of my fanny. (Was it a birthday present to himself? A titillating lunchtime dare?)


Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying waitresses and customers can’t be attracted to each other, or even fall in love. My friend Rina is now living with a guy who was a regular at the upscale bar where she worked– and he’s not the only guy she met there. Maybe some girls actually choose to waitress with this idea in mind.  After all, you do meet lots of dudes. Waitressing is also a great filter, (ie,  you can tell a lot about a guy by the way he drinks and tips.)


But what is it about waitresses that men find so alluring? Is it because men can’t help but fall for a woman who serves them drink and food, smiling as she does so?  Or maybe it’s the waitress uniform they find so appealing. A uniform suggests we are in service to them, without choice, and this slavery arouses their deepest fantasies. 


Whatever the reason, here’s today’s recipe for love (or at least, desire.) 


Waitress Allure




Whip up some homemade diner fare, such as my Easy Homemade Poutine.


Play some downtempo 50s rock.


Put on a sassy waitress dress.


Result: He’ll be putty in your hands. And at least in this case, your intentions won’t be misconstrued.


Vintage waitress dress, belted. Hot or dowdy? You be the judge.

Vintage waitress dress, belted, for sale on the net.



Waitress fetish gear, also for sale online. (This is a little too tacky for me, but for guys? I'm sure it's just right.)

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