DeepFryingTurkey_H

 

Last night my friend and fellow cooking-fan Anton and I were discussing the cooking for cock philosophy. Anton was particularly drawn to the idea that cooking is dangerous.  He instantly recalled his experience  trying to deep fry a whole turkey and how the boiling hot oil spattered everywhere, on his arms, in his face.  It totally freaked him out.

 

I agreed. Of course cooking can be very dangerous. Cooking means fire means you get can burned. Remember in the Sopranos when Tony’s mistress catches on fire while trying to cook him dinner?  I also know a guy who set his pants on fire during a fondue (note: another reason not to wear polyester.)  I myself am nursing two kitchen burns as  I write this.  

 

 

 
But wait a sec– You can deep fry a whole turkey?!

 

Curious about Anton’s “dangerous” recipe,  I decide to google it. Here’s what I find: Deep fried turkey is very popular in the southern United States (no surprise there) and the frying process makes the turkey crispy on the outside, moist and juicy on the inside. Sounds good enough to me. But then I watch a video recipe where the list of required utensils includes having a  protective fireproof jacket and gloves. It also says to keep a fire extinguisher on hand and to do the frying outdoors, since several people have apparently burned down their houses trying to fry a turkey indoors. (http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-deep-fry-turkey).

 

Fireproof jacket: Throw this over your cocktail dress to prevent burning.  Your cock might actually find it cute! The worthwhile ones anyway...

Fireproof jacket: Throw this over your cocktail dress to prevent burning. Your cock might actually find it cute! The worthwhile ones anyway...

 

 

 

Personally I would add two more safety measures,  firstly, “Do not do this if you’ve been drinking,”  and secondly, “Do not do this at all.”  I mean, when cooking starts to feel like absestos removal, why bother? 

 

In dating terms, deep fried turkey is that sexy white trash guy in the bar with the hot bod and missing tooth who wants to take you home: it’s slightly appealing, but not worth the risk.  (And I’ve seen enough turkeys to know.) Plus,  cooking for cock means always looking your best and who can look good in a third degree face burn?

 

But I guess when you’re drawn to a recipe, or a person like Tony Soprano, or my younger-than-me French Cock,  or even Anton (who’s burned a few girls in his lifetime) sometimes you just have to take chances. Like in love, finding the perfect dish is a dangerous job.  

 

Just try not to get burned.

 

Anton looks harmless, reading Martha Stewart at my friend Peter's chalet.

Anton looks harmless, reading Martha Stewart at my friend Peter's chalet.

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